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The Story of Two Psychiatrists
(How to Deal with Liberal Critics)
Rowland Evans, the famed columnist, was having lunch with Ronald Reagan, six years into his presidency. Reagan was making it look easy and was enormously popular. Evans was in awe. He looked Reagan in the eye and said, “You know, Mr. President, I’ve known you for more than twenty years. The amazing thing is that you don’t look any older now than you did back then, and the criticism never gets you down. How do you do it?”
In response, Reagan offered a parable. Let me explain it this way:
Let me tell you the story of the two psychiatrists. The old psychiatrist and the young psychiatrist had a practice together. They would come into their office every day just bubbling with enthusiasm, always happy, upbeat, smiling, and chipper. Then they’d go into their separate offices and have patients come in and lie on the couch all day and talk about the woes in their lives. At 6:00 pm they would come out and the young psychiatrist would be devastated, wiped out by the day and just miserable. The old psychiatrist would be just as chipper and smiling and upbeat as he was when he went in that morning. This went on for months.
Finally one day they came out at 6:00 pm. The young psychiatrist, devastated as usual, and the old psychiatrist just as happy and smiling as he was when he went in. The young psychiatrist stopped him and said, “I don’t understand it. We do the same thing every day, and I leave wiped out by hearing patients all day, and you come out after patients have been streaming in and out of your office just as upbeat as ever. How do you do it?”
The old psychiatrist paused a minute and said, “I never listen.”
The Little Red Hen – Ronald Reagan Version
Once upon a time there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered some grains of wheat. She called her neighbors and said, “If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?”
“Not I,” said the cow.
“Not I,” said the duck.
“Not I,” said the pig.
“Not I,” said the goose.
“Then I will,” said the little red hen. And she did. The wheat grew tall and ripened into golden grain. “Who will help me reap the wheat?” asked the little red hen.
“Not I,” said the duck.
“Out of my classification,” said the pig.
“I’d lose my seniority,” said the cow.
“I’d lose my unemployment compensation,” said the goose.
“Then I will,” said the little red hen, and she did.
At last the time came to bake the bread. “Who will help me bake bread?” asked the little red hen.
“That would be overtime for me,” said the cow.
“I’d lose my welfare benefits,” said the duck.
“I’m a dropout and never learned how,” said the pig.
“If I’m to be the only helper, that’s discrimination,” said the goose.
“Then I will,” said the little red hen.
She baked five loaves and held them up for the neighbors to see. They all wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, “No, I can eat the five loaves myself.”
“Excess profits,” cried the cow.
“Capitalist leech,” screamed the duck.
“I demand equal rights,” yelled the goose.
And the pig just grunted.
And they painted “unfair” picket signs and marched round and around the little red hen shouting obscenities. When the government agent came, he said to the little red hen, “You must not be greedy.”
“But I earned my bread,” said the little red hen.
“Exactly,” said the agent. “That’s the wonderful free enterprise system. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations proactive workers must divide their products with those that don’t work.”
And they lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, “I am grateful, I am grateful.”
But her neighbors wondered why she never again baked any more bread.
Welfare for Homeless
I was talking to this little girl Emily, the daughter of some friends. She said she wanted to be President one day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there with us. I asked Emily, “If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?”
Emily replied: “I would give houses to all the homeless people.”
“Wow! What a worthy goal you have there, Emily.” Then I told her, “You don’t have to wait until you’re President to help them, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in my back yard and I will pay you $5. Then we can go over to the shopping center where the homeless hang out, and you can give one of them the $5 to use for a new house.”
Emily thought it over a few seconds, while her mom looked at me seething, and Emily replied, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can just pay him the $5?”
Then I said, “Good idea; welcome to the Republican Party.”
Socialism in the Classroom
An economics professor in California said he had never failed a single student, but had once failed an entire class. None of the students understood how this could happen. Being liberal, the students insisted that socialism worked since no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said, “OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism. All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.”
After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who had studied hard were upset while the students who had studied very little were happy.
As the second test took place, the students who had studied very little studied even less and the ones who had studied hard decided that since they couldn’t earn an A, they would also study less. The second test average was a D. No one was happy.
When the third test was scored, the average grade was an F.
The scores never increased because blame and name calling resulted in hard feelings and no one was willing to study for anyone else. To their great surprise they all failed.
The professor told them that socialism, too, would ultimately fail because of the same basic human principle of incentive. The harder people try to succeed, the greater their reward (capitalism), but when a government takes all the reward away (socialism), no one will try or succeed.
A young woman was about to complete her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideas, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs that would redistribute wealth.
She was deeply embarrassed that her father was a Conservative, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had attended, and her discussions with several professors, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he had earned.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school. Taken aback, she answered that she had a 4.0 GPA. Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Nancy doing?”
She replied, “Nancy is barely getting by. She hasn’t sucked up to anyone, nor has she been worked very hard. As a result she has a 2.0 GPA.”
Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to Nancy who only has 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of your GPA.”
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired back, “That’s a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I worked hard and she didn’t.”
The father smiled and then said gently, “Welcome to the philosophy of Conservatives.”
The Graduate’s Gift
An arrogant young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer’s showroom, and knowing his wealthy father could easily afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.
As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautifully wrapped gift box. Curious, and somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man’s name embossed in gold.
Angry, he shouted at his father and said, “With all your money, you give me a Bible?” and stormed out of the house.
Many years passed and the young man had become very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father now was getting old, and thought perhaps he should go see him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make arrangements, he received a message telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his only son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.
When he arrived at his father’s house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father’s important papers and saw the still gift-wrapped Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. His father had carefully underlined a verse: Matthew 7:11, “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him.”
As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer’s name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had wanted. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words PAID IN FULL.
A pregnant woman was doing missionary work in the Philippines. Due to contaminated drinking water in an impoverished area, the woman contracted amoebic dysentery while pregnant. This required that she take strong medications in order to recover.
The woman’s doctor told her that the medication inevitably causes irreversible damage to the developing unborn child in her womb. The doctor advised the woman to have an abortion. The doctor told the woman that she would likely be burdened with a disabled child and it would be better to get rid of the unborn child now through abortion.
The woman refused to have the abortion and subsequently gave birth to a baby boy, whom she named Timothy.
Twenty years later, Tim Tebow was recognized as the best college football player in the United States by winning the Heisman Trophy, the first to win that prestigious award as a sophomore.
The Story of Two Astronomers
There were two college professors who taught courses in astronomy who engaged in many conversations about the universe. One of the professors decided to build an elaborate working model of the Solar System that included the planets revolving around the sun, the moons revolving around the planets, and an asteroid belt that revolved around the sun. Every planet and moon rotated on its axis exactly as those actual planets and moons rotated. The professor that built the model was a Christian. The other professor was an atheist. When the atheist saw the model, he was amazed at its perfection and asked who made it. The Christian professor answered: “Nobody made it. It just happened. A strong wind must have come in one day and blown around some laboratory dust and other particles from outside. Somehow this model is the result.” The atheist then said: “That’s ridiculous. You don’t expect me to believe such nonsense; somebody must have made it”. The Christian then said: “Of course, I don’t expect you to believe that it just happened; and yet you’re willing to believe that the actual Solar System, with its incredible complexities, simply created itself. That, my friend, is ridiculous.”
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something, and I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do."
Edward Everett Hale
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